I must be a Time Lord (aka Maddi makes a Doctor Who joke)

If home is where the heart is, I’m thinking I may have two hearts. My time home on vacation was more than I could have ever hoped for. My home church community welcomed me back and treated me as though I hadn’t been gone for almost a year and it honestly didn’t even feel like I’d been gone at all.

It was an amazing experience getting to step back and look at myself after the nine months I’d spent in Nicaragua. I could see how much I’d grown when I couldn’t see it while I was in the midst of it.

I got to see my cousin graduate from A&M, I got to spend time with my Mom and Grandparents. I got to witness my Mother stepping back into The Kingdom of God and back into community. I got to grow relationships with people and begin new ones with others. The whole month was truly blessed by The Lord and I am so grateful.

However, I missed being in Nicaragua almost immediately. I missed my Kolb family. I missed my church community and Pan De Vida and I missed feeling like I was doing good for my God.

When I was in Texas I felt like I had left home to visit somewhere else and now that I’m back in Nicaragua it feels like I’m grieving the loss of my home. It’s been a very difficult time and this week and 4 days I’ve been in Nicaragua has felt like months.

I’m not sure why it’s harder this time, whether it’s the relationships that grew in the short time I was in the States or the sight of my grandfather crying as I left, but it feels like I’m missing something inside of me.

That being said, I’m glad I’m here. I’m glad I get to continue to serve my God and his people. I just hope that as time passes being here gets easier. I’m not saying I hope to talk to people back in Texas less but maybe just the dull ache of missing them becomes something that makes me stronger instead of weaker.

I know God brought me back down here for a reason and I know that for right now, this is where I’m supposed to be and there’s comfort in that. I hope I’m as much of a help to this family, church, and community as I think I am and I hope I continue to be.